Thoughts of a Single Man in Christ

Single... for how long? The wait isn't really the hardest part. I can wait. I am fully satisfied with Christ and his will. Whether I get married one day or stay single forever is up to Him. He holds me either way. The hardest part to me is the choice.

There are many beautiful Christian women out there. What if I actually find one, and we are both attracted to each other, and we have the same things in common, and she likes the Lakers, and I feel I can relate to her?

Before I know it, I start getting those feelings and butterflies in my stomach. All of a sudden I think I love her and I think she’s the one... based on what though? Those feelings are good but can I really make a life decision based on feelings? How can a marriage based on feelings go through the fire? What happens when the beauty fades, and she starts having different interests than me to the point I feel like I can’t relate to her anymore? What then?

Or even worse, what if another comes along? What if she is beautiful also, maybe even more so, and she loves music like I do, and she even plays video games like me and loves the same movies I do? Will those feelings that I had in the beginning carry us through? Will those butterflies that I had in the beginning take me through all the difficulty that can come in a marriage?

No. Love rooted primarily in feelings is defective.

What then will hold us past all difficulty; all temptations of other women? What will hold us even when the beauty fades, even when it seems we have nothing in common anymore, even when we “change”.

The real question is, whether or not Christ is my ultimate love.

If it were my wife I would be an idolater. The love I have for Christ surpasses everything, even the love I would have for my wife. I want to be like Christ more than I want a wife, or anything for that matter. The only thing that would hold me through a marital problem or any problem at all, is truly knowing that my wife was chosen by God and given to me for my good, that I might be transformed into the likeness of Christ. If I truly believe that, all of her flaws and all of our difficulties suddenly aren't just flaws and difficulties. It is God in His sovereignty transforming me to the likeness of his Son through our troubles and hard times.

If I truly love God and want to be like Christ more than anything, I would never let her go because I know God has given her to me that I might become more like him. So it isn’t just her getting on my nerves anymore or feelings or beauty fading. It’s much deeper than that. It’s me becoming like Christ. And I will endure anything that I might become like him.

I know that my love for my wife must first and foremost be rooted in my love for Christ. With that foundation, all of the other questions just don’t seem so important after all.

Lanre Kayode makes disciples in his home, church & city, living in Houston and worshipping at Wilcrest Baptist Church, a multi-ethnic church passionate about Gospel Families.

#familylife #singleness #marriage