Reshaping our Approach to Marriage
Some of the most famous stories are love stories: Romeo & Juliet, Cleopatra & Mark Anthony, Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler, Elizabeth Bennett and Darcy, Pocahontas and John Smith, Titanic’s Jack & Rose, Sam & Dianne, Ross & Rachael, Jim & Pam, and the list goes on.
Genesis 24 contains another love story as the Lord provides a wife for Isaac, and in this story, I find three exhortations for today’s church regarding marriage.
(1) Don’t take Marriage Lightly
After walking with God for more than 30 years, Abraham seems to be able to discern the Lord’s will and pursues it, not just for himself, but also for his family. So he pursues this good thing for his son, this thing that he believes is fitting with God’s will, and he pursues it with three simple truths in mind:
Isaac needs a wife, for God promised to name Abraham’s descendants through Isaac.
The wife cannot be from among the daughters of the Canaanites, for as Pastor Tommy Nelson notes, “in our language today as Christians, we would say, ‘Your spouse must be from the family of God—a fellow believer.’” (Book of Romance, p. 6)
And Isaac can’t leave the land the Lord had promised…so Isaac’s wife must come to him, thus reflecting both the Genesis 2:24 principle of leaving & cleaving, as well as the example found in Genesis 12 of following God in faith.
Is your marriage a marriage that follows in faith? Are you more likely to be the spouse who encourages faithful following or the spouse who refuses to move when God calls?
After walking with God for more than 30 years, Abraham trusts in the provision and leading of the Lord, saying, “The Lord, the God of heaven…will send his angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there.”
Abraham does not take this marriage lightly:
He chooses his most faithful servant. He gives specific instructions. He seals it with an oath. He trusts it in the hands of the Lord. And the servant then travels about 520 miles, a 21-day-long journey.
I married Jess eight years ago, but it was eight years and 7 months ago that I proposed. For those of you who don’t know, a 7-month-long engagement means 7 months of wedding planning. You have to choose a place for the ceremony and the reception, a dress for her, tux for me, song as she walks down the aisle, song for our first dance, song for our last dance, food for the reception, cake (by the way, one of the best parts of planning a wedding…cake testing…you just test cakes, tasting a dozen different flavors).
Seven months to plan one night, and yet it’s more than some spend planning for their life-long marriage. And if we spend more time discussing the flowers than we do praying for the foundation of the marriage, then, perhaps, we are taking marriage lightly.
Our culture has cheapened marriage. What God designed as one flesh, what God designed as Gospel Reenactment, we have taken and redefined, including everything from polygamy to same-sex marriages, and we have done away with the one flesh by viewing marriages as temporary.
(2) Don’t pursue Marriage Carelessly
In verse 12 of this chapter, the servant prays, “O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham…(prays a specific prayer for Isaac’s wife)…By this I shall know that YOU have shown steadfast love to my master.”
Prayer is the most important aspect of any relationship, whether it’s one you have today or one you hope for tomorrow.
Have you ever watched people choosing vegetables at the grocery store? They don’t rush. They don’t run up and down the aisle carelessly throwing tomatoes, bananas, and grapefruit in their shopping cart. They take their time. Even the busiest people seem to just push pause on everything else going on in the world when they reach the produce aisle. They pick up the fruit and the vegtables and examine them. They feel it, squeeze it, and even smell it before deciding whether or not they want to take it home. It makes me wonder, do we put more thought and examination into choosing tomato’s than we do in pursuing a spouse? Are we praying for God’s will for the person we will marry? For the person our children will marry? Are we praying God’s will for your own spouse?
(3) Don’t view Marriage Ordinarily
When Rebekah enters the story, we immediately see that this will not be an ordinary marriage, for she is no ordinary woman. Rebekah demonstrated purity and a servant heart, even drawing enough water to care for 10 camels who are able to store up to 30 gallons of water each.
A servant heart is at the root of a Gospel Family marriage, for Ephesians 5:25, reads, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
While selfishness pollutes marriages, selflessness blesses marriages.
Rebekah was an answer to prayer and so the servant worshipped God for this answered prayer and for his steadfast love and faithfulness (even gives Rebekah bracelets and a nose ring, which is a bit different than the wedding ring I gave my wife). Even Rebekah’s family recognized the Lord’s sovereign hand in this marriage, acknowledging that this was a divinely arranged marriage, reminding us that marriage is not something we create or orchestrate, but, it is the Lord’s gracious gift, as Proverbs 18:22 teaches, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
Our view of marriage is weak. Our expectation of marriage weak. As the church, we claim to be the ones in this nation elevating a Biblical view of marriage and yet far too many of the marriages within the church settle for the cultural standard for marriage. Should we don’t desire more? Expect more? Should we not plead in prayer for a marriage divinely arranged and sovereignly orchestrated by God? Should we not wait for loving, serving spouses who are an answer to years of prayers? Should we not expect the Lord to refine us all to be Gospel Families?
Jonathan Williams is the founder of Gospel Family Ministries and the Senior Pastor of Wilcrest Baptist Church, a multi-ethnic church of 44 nations located in Houston, TX. He and his wife are blessed with three wonderful children.
