Hopeful Grieving?

I lost my mother five years ago. It came suddenly, fast and furious and there was no escape.

We avoid talking about death because we don’t like sounding morbid. When it does comes up, we excuse ourselves in order to avoid being vulnerable. However, death is a certain reality. It is as much a fact as the sky is blue. We all have or will one day experience the sting of death one way or the other.

It hits us hard when we lose someone close to us. No amount of preparation is sufficient to deal with it in a true sense. Your loved one is nowhere to be found on this planet, and that reality brings an immense amount of grief and hopelessness.

It is said that death is much harder on those who are left behind. And that is true due to the fact that everything in our lives changes, for the absence of this person becomes the new normal. Our plans, dreams and hopes have to be dropped, exchanged for new, unfamiliar plans.

Death brings an immense amount of grief and initiates an unwanted season of mourning to those who are left behind.

So we must ask, is there a way to grieve well?

As Christians we experience grief like anybody else and our experience of sorrow is just like anybody else. But Scripture calls us not to grieve like the rest of the world but do it differently.

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. (1 Thess 4:13-14).

This is where I found myself five years ago, facing the loss of my mother. It came suddenly, fast and furious and there was no escape. I found myself caught in a cycle of hopeless grieving. My attitude said “woe is me” all the time and I could justify myself for it felt like a curse.

Through it all, however, God and his Word became even more powerful, forcing me to understand the truth of what it means to be a “hopeful people”. Scripture arrested me when I looked into what it really said: to grieve hopefully, with an expectation of Christ’s return. And that changed everything.

I have learned that:

God does not want us stop grieving:

God invites us to go to him for comfort because He is the God of all comfort (2 Cor 1:3-4). He is the father to the fatherless, defender of widows (Ps. 68:5). His care for us is as tender as that of nursing mother (Is.49:15). He is near the broken-hearted (Ps 34:18) and is near to those who call on Him in truth (Ps. 145:18).

God calls us to grieve unlike the world:

To grieve without hope is to grieve as if there is no God. And that’s what we tell ourselves and all those around us when we grieve as if God were not in the picture. To grieve like the rest of the mankind, is to grieve as if I'm alienated from God. As an unbeliever, I am without God and without hope in the world, separated from God (Eph2:12); no relationship with him, no peace with him and therefore no hope. As an unbeliever my hope is in the things and circumstances around me and when they go downhill I'm hopeless.

Some of us might hold anger or bitterness toward God, which is understandable. And I get that and it’s easy to do so. But we fail to realize that we live in fallen world and that all the days of our lives are ordained and God does not owe us a thing. Yet the Bible screams from front to back that God is infinitely good, merciful, full of grace, compassionate and kind. So, this death and grief that I’m facing must be, in His great providence, a good thing for me. He is sovereign over all things and working all things for our good (Rom 8:28). We need to remind ourselves of God’s love over and over again:

He who did not spare his own Son but delivered him over for us all, how will he not also with him freely give us all things? (Rom 8:32)

Paul ends this section of Romans 8 with “neither life nor death …can separate us from the love of Christ”. He writes “all things for good” in the context of suffering and persecution. And that should make our mourning hopeful.

God calls us to grieve hopefully:

Hopeful grieving is rooted in the Gospel. It's rooted in who God is for us in Christ. In Christ, we who were alienated from God are brought near (Eph 2:13), reconciled (Col 1:22) and offered peace (Rom 5:1). The Spirit of God dwelling in the believer is the hope of our final salvation (Rom 5:5, Eph 1:13-14). As Christians our grieving must be directed unto God who is the only one that can truly comfort us. We are to grieve with the hope of Christ's return and the glorious end that it will bring to our grief, our complete union with Him and our loved ones who believed.

God calls us to grieve expectantly:

We are to grieve with full assurance of His return, just as He promised He will return and take us home. We are to look expectantly toward that glorious reunion and long for it. We are to cry out “Abba, Father” groaning for our full redemption. Even though the pain is real, the pain presents an opportunity to align our hearts with the Spirit to groan for our full redemption. As Paul writes, “for this is the hope that we are saved (Rom 8:23-24).”

The Christian hope is one of the things that is distinct in us as a people; a people who have a glorious ending just on the horizon, a people who serve a redeeming God, a people who serve a God who comforts us in our deepest grief, a people whose savior will make all things new.

As that season ended, I came out knowing that I can grieve but differently, knowing that God is near. And a much dreaded funeral song of my childhood, which used to haunt me as a kid, became powerfully personal and hopeful. And now I sing it with great hope and can’t wait for that trumpet sound.

When the trumpet of the Lord shall sound, and time shall be no more, And the morning breaks, eternal, bright and fair; When the saved of earth shall gather over on the other shore, And the roll is called up yonder, I’ll be there.

When the roll, is called up yon-der, When the roll, is called up yon-der, When the roll, is called up yon-der, When the roll is called up yonder I’ll be there

What a confidence that only a Christian can say, “I’ll be there”!

If you are reading this as a seeker, I urge you to consider Jesus Christ and his claims. He promises an abundant life now and a glorious life beyond death to all who believe him and that promise is still open today. I pray that you would sing with me ‘when the roll is called up yonder I’ll be there’.

Tony Kolluri is a sinner saved by grace, attends Wilcrest Baptist Church in Houston (Texas) where he strives to be a follower of Christ and making disciples in a multi-ethnic church for the glory of God through the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

#grief #death #loss #hope