A Father's Response to a Temper Tantrum
It had been a long and taxing day. It rarely snows in Texas, but today it had and therefore my 3 year old son had skipped his nap and we exhausted ourselves enjoying time in the snow. On top of all of this, my family had been living a very stressful life, preparing to live as missionaries in the very near future.
Dinner time rolled around and on top of my son’s exhaustion he was presented with one of his least favorite meals, chili. We went back and forth, my son attempting to talk me out of eating the chili and me demanding that he take a bite. Then it happened. He picked up his roll and acted like he was going to throw it across the table. I firmly stated, “if you throw that roll across the table, you will not receive any ice cream.” He looked me in the eyes as if to say, “I am about to see if you back what you say” and he launched the roll across the table.
Although at the moment I didn’t want to back up what I had promised (because we were at my in-laws house and I knew what would follow), I picked my son up and transported him to a room in the back and told him he would not get ice cream and that it was time to go to bed. That’s when the explosion happened. Like a hurricane pressing inland and becoming increasingly more violent, my sons temper tantrum escalated by the second.
As a father I had two instant reactions: I should hand my son over to my wife and let her handle it, after all, women are so much more sympathetic, compassionate and comforting. The other option was to look at my son in the eye and say “Micah, if you want something to cry and throw a fit about, I am about to give you a reason to throw a real fit.” Both solutions sounded appropriate responses in the heat of this battle.
But I felt as though the Lord’s hand was on me and immediately placed a spirit of patience within me, reminding me of all the stress my son had been experiencing. As my son was throwing a fit, I held him and hugged him and told him that I knew he was exhausted and that I wanted him to know how much I loved him. Of course, this did not alleviate the temper tantrum that he was throwing. I soon crawled in bed with him and placed my son on my chest and just held him tightly. He was sweating up a storm, sobbing, but I held him tight and continued to express how much I loved him. Within less than a minute my son was sound asleep.
I believe we as men, when we do not know how to respond to the stress of our children’s fits, have a tendency of passing them off to their mothers or become a John Wayne type of man that is rough and only knows how to discipline. Yet we need to remember, “the Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Psalm 145:8).” Although the Lord does discipline, His love and his patience have always seemed to be much more abundant and apparent in my life than has His discipline.
If our child’s first impression of who God is stems from their parents behavior, how does your child view God? As one who always disciplines? As one who passes you off to someone else when they do not want to deal with you? As one who pulls their hair out in frustration because they do not understand you? Or as one, who even in the most exhausting, frustrating and fit throwing moments of their life is holding them close in His arms, demonstrating abounding love and the reality that He is near and never leaves?
Kurt Freeman is a missionary, church planter, and pastor with Gospel Church in Gdansk, Poland, where he serves alongside his wife as they disciple their son.
